I need some answers . . . and some resolution.

OK . . . this is what has been hurting me for almost a year now.

Let me start by stating Stephen Tappe has no concern for the emotional well being of others. He is utterly without ethics or morals or any bedrock sense of decency. Folks at St. John's Cathedral in Denver need to be aware of this, before he hurts them, too. He is arrogant and unbelievably self-absorbed. The only time he cares for others is if they can boost his ego, or if he can use them to advance to a higher position or to satisfy his selfish desires. He makes a big pretense of being a Christian, of caring for other human beings, etc. He can certainly put on a good act. But, when he's asked to deliver the goods, he won't do it. And he will hurt other people in a calculating and deliberate manner to avoid putting himself on the line.

Believe it or not, I was once on good terms with this guy. About 1½ years ago I sent him an e-mail, expressing my disappointment with his reaction to the folding of the Tulsa Philharmonic. He responded to me, verbally, that "We need to talk." I thought better of it, told him to ignore what I had said, but he kept insisting for several months that we talk. He would not let the matter rest. Finally, at his insistence, not mine, I agreed to talk. He did all the talking. He spoke about his "ministry" (he didn't mention his ministry is highly selective and that he only ministers to those person he deems worthy), "can't we be friends," yada yada yada. He certainly put on a big act. He needs to be in theatre, not church work.

Well, we had another disagreement. I will admit I pushed the envelope, finally sending him a message stating "You say we're friends" and then I got a nasty, hateful e-mail from Stephen saying "Please do not consider me to be your friend." I was in tears the rest of the day. He later "apologized" (well, he thought it was an apology, but it was probably only because the rector told him to), but he never retracted that statement. In fact, he stated in his "apology" that he wasn't required to be friends with parishioners, wasn't in his job description, blah blah blah. Well, he made it very clear he was friends with other choir members-including running off with someone else's wife (not to mention the mother of two teenage boys)! My pain and resentment only grew over the ensuing months. No matter how hard I prayed, Stephen's heart was not softened, nor did I get any answers as to why he treated me the way he did. His last Sunday I caught up with him, and, choking back tears, said sarcastically: "Sorry you had to put up with me." In a very nasty and hateful tone of voice, he responded: "Apology accepted. I suppose I had something to do with this. Oh well. These things happen."

That memory still hurts terribly, that I didn't "measure up" as a human being in this person's eyes. I'm frankly relieved he's gone to another position, and I hope if he ever pulls a stunt like that in his new position, someone fires his ass. I shudder to think what horrible things he was saying about me to other staff and clergy.

The experience I had with the Stephen Tappe has both spiritually and emotionally damaged me. I've been praying and working hard to overcome this, but it still haunts me. I am hurt and bewildered as to what I did to deserve this, especially since this person refused to show any kind of remorse or acknowledge that he was directly responsible for the fallout, much less take responsibility for his actions.

As much as I try to let this go, I just can't. I've lost sleep over this. I will only get peace when I get answers as to what happened. I'm totally bewildered and still raw with hurt. I can't understand how someone so cruel, much less someone who has robbed two teenage boys of their mother, can remain in church work and be held up as a model of Christian behavior everyone should emulate.

In the meantime, I pray . . . it hasn't done any good so far. I hope it will, eventually. I'm at my wit's end.